My first visit to a real life psychiatrist was in 1999. I saw her 4 times for about 5-10 minutes ea visit.
I was intrigued to find out she was blonde (since I live in an area that's 98% Hispanic...i thought, cool...maybe we can relate) Then I find out she has the same first name as I do (that's rare) I was nervous, with all the stuff I'd been taught from the JWs about shrinks and their "worldly..ie Satanic" advice. I walk into her office and even though I was about as down as a person can get without being 6 feet under, I took notice of the decor.
She must live on the island I observed. She has a tan, perfect teeth and she likes dolphins and nature. I began to feel more at ease. I was blonde, intelligent (an oxymoron), loved the island and nature. This was good.
I felt weak. How come I was on this side of the desk? Why did she get to go to college and I didn't? How could she ever understand my life and what I've been through? She looked similar to me. She even had my same name.
Maybe I should just start. She'd have to understand.
"Well, I left my religion." I said.
"I see." She said.
"I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses." I said.
"I am aware of them." She said.
She told me she had a few other 'patients' who were JWs. That made me less at ease. Who were they, I must know them. What if they find out how I really feel. I had too much to say...how was I ever going to get it out. I started crying.
On my next visit, I wrote down what I planned to talk about. All the things I wasn't able to do growing up. I felt so repressed and chained. I just wanted freedom. I wanted to be free physically, but most of all mentally. I was in prison and felt dead.
"I want to be free." I told her.
"In what way?" She asks
"If I want to have a cigarette...I want it to be my choice." I replied
"I'm sure you are aware of Satan." She says
"Of course." I say, puzzled.
"Satan is a scheming, slithering snake crawling up your back, whispering in your ear." She says.
I'm quiet. Confused. This is what psychiatrists do?
I pick up my pills on the way out.
What is that doctor creed? "First do no harm?" hmmmm
Yesterday, I received an email from a friend of mine. It was one of those silly girl friend day chain emails I never pay attention to. I read it.
"A good long talk can cure almost anything."
Everyone needs someone with whom to share their secrets.
Listening is just as important as talking.
An understanding friend is better than a therapist; And cheaper too!
Laughter makes the world a happier place.
Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on.
Gems may be precious. But, friendship is priceless.
I realized that I had been in therapy and even a therapist online for the last four years. I have really grown, and healed...and helped others heal. Sharing laughter with people who have experienced your pain is the best therapy...and u can do it from ur own home at ur own time. The best part is, you end up with friends for life. What more could you ask for?
